UNLOCK YOUR INSTINCTSAND PSYCHE wïth
DR. TRYNH PHORAKSA
Criminology Lecturer, Mahidol University
“Don’t trust anyone not even a friend you’ve known for10 years. You don’t even know one percent of who they truly are.”
This isn’t from a paranoid cynic, but from Dr. TrynhPhoraksa, a criminalogist who has studied the human minddeeply enough to know that goodness, evil, and the truths wehold dear can shift more easily than reflections in a mirror.
Though already well-known in police and academiccircles, Dr. Trynh became the talk of the town after explainingabout Shaken Baby Syndrome – an unintentional factor thatcan create “troubled children” when parents frequently shaketheir babies. His eloquent yet straightforward style quicklywon him new followers, which have risen to over half a million.
From a boy who dreamed of becoming a police officerlike his grandfather and father to a well-trained cop with nearlyseven years of experience, he discovered his true calling whileinterviewing criminals. What fascinated him wasn’t what theydid wrong, but why people commit crimes and why somerepeat them.
In this conversation, he goes beyond crime to explorethe real roots: child-rearing, parenting, and societal change.Master these insights, and you can detect lies, unmaskfraudsters posing as miracle workers or holy monks. This isn’tjust an expert interview; it’s an unflinchingly honest dissectionof the human psyche. No lie detector needed.
Nature or Nurture?
You need both. Nature is what you’re bornwith: genetics, bloodline, all that stuff you can’t choose. Nurture is everything else: environment, peoplearound you, what you see and absorb. Put them togetherand that’s who you become.
The question used to be “how do I raise smart kids?”Now it is “how do I make sure they don’t becomemurderers?” What’s happening?
Don’t wait until your kid’s born to start thinking aboutthis. Don’t wait until they’re seven. It’s too late. It starts withthe parents. Are you ready? And I don’t just mean money.You need time too. No time but lots of money? That’s howentitled brats are seen everywhere. Time and money butbad environment? Like toxic family members in the houseor living in a dangerous neighborhood with drug dealers?That’s a problem too.
The bottom line is: raising one kid costs millions, notthousands. And I’m not talking about hospital bills andformula milk. I’m talking about building a foundation thatlasts their entire life. There’s no retirement for parenthood.And here’s the real question: even if everything’s ready forthe kid, are the parents ready? Those bad habits you don’t want them copying: can you quit them? Can you actually bedisciplined enough to be their role model? If not, don’t have kids.
Where does bullying come from and why is it getting worse?
Thai people just learned the word “bullying” but it’s beenaround forever. We only picture the obvious stuff—slappingheads, tripping, name-calling. But there’re way more types.
One: the look. That contemptuous stare when someone says something dumb. That’s bullying.
Two: tone and teasing. Using someone’s insecurities asjokes. “Hey fatty!” “Shorty!” We think close friends can sayanything to each other, but they still feel it. They might feelless hurt after hearing it repeatedly but it still diminishes theirsense of self-worth.
Three: physical. Hitting, pushing, tripping. This type ofbullying is obvious.
Four: social bullying. Getting society to pressure them.”Don’t talk to them, they’re awful.” Spreading rumors, leakingphotos. Making them feel they have nowhere to go.
Five: cyber bullying. All the above but now everythinggoes online, leaving digital footprints. Once an embarrassingincident gets posted, it’s there forever.
In the past, children’s competiveness wasn’t about money. It was just big kid picking on small kids, or small kids with backup going after the shy loner. Now it’s complicated.Some kindergartener can’t do homework so they rip up their friend’s. We need to see how serious that is. Parents think”kids fighting, no big deal.” But for the victim’s parents, it’s the first trauma that their child suffer and its impact could lasta lifetime. Other countries take this seriously. Thai people justmake them apologize and move on. Or worse: “just don’t letthe teacher see next time.”
How do we teach kids to stop bullying others?
Start with the parents. Do you bully? Parents say, “I’mnot setting a bad example, I’m just gossiping on the phone,yelling at the neighbor, trash-talking friends.” All these wordsdemonstrate your values and attitudes, which sometimes youdon’t even realize means you’re bullying and gossiping aboutothers.
Kids don’t learn from what you say, they learn from whatthey see. You tell them something but don’t do it yourself?They don’t respect it. “Mom says don’t use phones at dinnerbut she does it.” Your words lose all power.
This is the foundation for understanding rules. Beforehaving kids, can you follow simple couple rules? Like “textme when you get home”? If you can’t follow rules that applyto one person, forget about teaching them to follow laws.Respecting rules starts in childhood: sleep at this time, play atthis time, make your bed. It’s all discipline.
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